Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.