I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.