i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
