I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
