apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
