she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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