did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
