no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
