you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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