my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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