I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
