Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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