He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You pole danced in your parka.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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