So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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