She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
