he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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