& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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