how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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