those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
