Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
