No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
