We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
