He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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