He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
