So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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