If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize