My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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