Your mouth is God's brothel.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
