; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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