Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
