The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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