Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
