seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
