She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
