so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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