That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You're a waste of cheezeits
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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