I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I will pee on everything he values.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
