He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
