so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
