A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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