do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
