census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
