i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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