I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can you bring me the toilet please
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
