You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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