wanna go halves on a baby?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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