What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
