ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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