I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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