I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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