RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
