How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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