Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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