where am i from again
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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