my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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