I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
