Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
