wakey wakey hands off snakey
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
