I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
