I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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