I feel great
I just peed on a car
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
