He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
