It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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