he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
