See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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