Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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