Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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