i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
