Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
