he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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