Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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