Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
