Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
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Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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