It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
