she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
